Relationship & Dating expert Aviva Reimer discusses modern day chivalry.
Written by: Breanna Adjepong-Duodu
When it comes to dating, chivalry used to be the way MEN would express affection. Nowadays you’re lucky if you get a heart on the ‘gram’, followed by a DM and an emoji. Is chivalry obsolete? Or has it just become a two-way street? According to Aviva, chivalry is evolving and this time YOU set the rules of engagement.
1. Plugged In But Disconnected
Sometimes the ability to hold a decent conversation seems like a lost art form. With the swipe of a finger, we can have almost anything or anyone we want, leading some to detach and skip the ‘pleasantries.’ You may find yourself experiencing that rare moment where you think you’re connecting with someone, only to have it abruptly interrupted by the request for a racy photo that’s not in keeping with the conversation. This scenario can lead some to lower their expectations for chivalry or dare I say, even forget what ‘effort’ looks like. But we can’t let ourselves get backed into a corner, forfeiting our desires for their terms-out of fear they will lose interest. It’s easy to get desensitized using your computer or phone. So make the call, back away from the screen and keep it moving with more face-to-face interactions. Let that be the ‘gallant’ game changer.
2. Confidence – The New Shining Armour
When you’re single, competition can be fierce because people in the dating realm are rarely focused on one person at a time. Luckily, bold and charming character traits are not exclusive to icons like Marilyn Monroe and Beyoncé! CHOOSE to be more connected, by saying what you want and don’t waste time. Channel your inner lioness to get what YOU want whether it be in life or ‘courtship.’ If you have never been the decider but the ‘decided on’ challenge yourself to be forthcoming with your pursuits and set the tone. After all the chivalrous code is one wrapped in valour-so take a risk and enjoy the ride. There are still people out there who understand chivalry, so dare to leave your mark with that virtue of bravery.
3. Courtship AKA Modern-Day “Prequalifying”
Okay, SO you have met a man, but he doesn’t show affection the way you envisioned. He doesn’t open the car door and you can forget about flowers being sent to your office… but he DOES give you his jacket on a cold day. First off, let’s keep the fantasy alive, but don’t let the ‘rom coms’ become your demise. Sometimes we paint this perfect picture in our heads concerning how our partner will look, act and sound like. We can go through life holding out for something that truly may not exist. If the guy is not meeting your needs but seems into you, it might be linked to his past. So before playing games or picking up that glass of wine and blasting Lauren Hill’s Ex-Factor, communicate!
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